And then there is Suede...

We have eight minis. Of these eight, four are mares, three are stallions, and then there is Suede, a gelding. All my life I've been told how great geldings are. They're gentle, calm, don't have the hormone issues of mares nor the testosterone issues of stallions. All my life I have found this to be true. Until now.

Our mares are dolls. All four of them. They're different from one another in personality, but the one thing they all have in common is their gentle willing nature. Lucy is the boss. Honey is a little joker. Blaze is a little stand offish, but very gentle, and has a mischievous streak not quite as wide as Honey's. Blondie is a pocket pet and loves to play and be loved on.

Our stallions do have testosterone issues. The two yearlings are boisterous boys and play too roughly with one another to be able to turn them out together. They like each other a LOT though and are big pals. Handsome, aka Evil, was given his nickname when he went through a people biting stage. We've almost worked past that now and he's becoming a really good boy. Desi, well, the sun rises and sets on Desi's head and he knows it. He was born here and we had our hands on him before he was fully out of his mother. He loves people. All people. If he isn't sure if they're friend or foe he turns around and backs up to see if they'll scratch his butt. If he's unsure about any situation, he turns around, backs up and expects a butt scratch. It's his security blankie.

Our mature stallion, Martini, is a hunkahunka burnin' love. He's the King. He's the smallest of all the minis at 29 inches, but he's more than willing to take on an 18 hand percheron. We've recently moved all the boys into one barn and all the girls to the other. Martini has dropped fat and added muscle just from trotting back and forth in his 36' run looking tough and official. Martini only likes girls. Handsome ignores Martini mostly, except at dinner time. Desi thinks Martini is great fun to play with when there is a fence between them. He runs merrily along the fence line side by side with Mr. Hot Stuff, while Martini charges after him with ears pinned and teeth bared. Put any of these boys in a halter and lead rope and they are changed animals. Martini trots elegantly at my side, making studly noises, but never daring to tug at the lead rope.

And then, there is Suede. The gelding. At least he doesn't bite me anymore. He reserves that treat for everyone else. He's stubborn, disrespectful, and much bigger than any of the others. At the same time, he's more laid back than any of the others. Not a thing in this world upsets him. When he's laying down in his stall you can go in with him, clean around him, sit in the dirt with him, lift his legs, push on him, lay on top of him, brush him. He doesn't care. He doesn't move. He's scared us all with this behavior, making us think he'd met a sudden tragic end. He lays sprawled on his side with his neck stretched, and lips parted in a death grimace. But he's just being Suede. His registered name is Monastery Almost Persuaded. We wondered how he got that name. Now we know. Almost persuaded to do something you ask, but not quite.

Suede can turn me into the live equivalent of Yosemite Sam in 5 minutes time, just by being a big stubborn ox. He's a very smart horse, smart enough to know when it is beneficial or entertaining to pretend to be stupid. I was out in the paddock trying to get him into his stall at feeding time, huffing and puffing in the Aridzona heat, hobbling on my crutches for 30 minutes trying to get him to go into his open stall. I was also cussing like a sailor and ended up flinging my crutches to the ground behind him. The only other time I had to fling a crutch was when Martini opened the gate to a paddock that adjoined Suede's stall and they were fighting through the fence. This act so impressed Martini that he positively flew back to the paddock he belonged in and stood there bug eyed, trembling and horrified that I could remove a leg and throw it. Suede was unimpressed.

Suede is unimpressed because Suede has respect issues. If Suede does not wish to move, Suede does not move. Something needed to teach Suede a lesson. I have been unable to do this, so I decided to let Boss Mare Lucy have at him. I turned them out together this morning. Lucy instantly made a swaggering, pinned ear, beeline toward him and said "MOVE". Suede blinked dumbly at her. The Boss spun around and kicked him square in the chest and said "I SAID MOVE." Suede was incredulous for a moment and then said "MAKE ME", spinning around and kicking at her. At this, Lucy backed into him landing about 3, full force, blows to his butt in an eye blink. Suede landed one blow which was instantly answered by a pummeling you would not see in even the nastiest street fighting contest. Suede moved. I cheered. Lucy gets treats tonight.

Suede moves now if The Boss even wanders in his direction. I'll leave her with him to continue the lessons and see if he is a bit easier to impress in a week or two.